Is Church "man" enough?
What about providing a context for men to talk? I know some guys who have been golf buddies for years but have never got beyond the cars, sport and work stage. I used to say to Priscilla that men had a deep need for superficiallity! But I think given the right context we could help each other.
We men need a safe place to meet with those we trust and where we can be vulnerable and open about issues like pressures at work, ethical demands, sexual temptation inc problems of lust and porno], expectations as a husband and father and so on. I think with men it has to involve activity and doing something together. My Linfield buddy and I discuss most things on the way to every match but stay silent on the way home to listen to scores and match commentary. I need different sort of friends in different settings. I am friends with some men with whom I wouldn't dream of openning up too. But with others who I don't see as often I can say anything about anything and not feel condemned.
Some men stay in contact through the internet, try www.geezersforjesus.co.uk where men who believe that "it's okay to be serious about your faith and still enjoy beer, football and curry" can talk anonymously about anything that matters to them.
It's good to talk.
posted by Paul Reid at 2:19 PM
2 Comments:
A short while ago I wrote a bit about there not being space within churches for stories about what Jesus is up to here and now in the lives of the congregation. I think reinstating the thing we tried last year before the summer where people shared a little of their story would be great.
For many people they look for church to "set the tone" and if within that normal men of faith (not just elders and those in leadership) were invited to share their stories and their triumphs then perhaps it would encourage some to open up a bit more and not see it as such an alien context.
Just a thought!
11:35 AM
what do you think of this. it's by a writer called Steve Biddulph
Seven Steps to Manhood
1. Fixing it with your father
Your father is your emotional line of contact to your masculinity. You have to work towards a clear and resolved relationship between yourself and him. You cannot get on with your life successfully until you have understood him, forgiven him and come, in some way, to respect him. You may do this in conversation with him if he’s alive, or in your mind if he’s dead. Unless you do this work, his corpse will trip you up every time you make a move!
2. Finding sacredness in your sexuality
You have to find out how to be not just comfortable but transformed and fulfilled in your sexuality. Sex will either be a sleazy and obsessive part of your life or a sacred and powerful source of wellbeing. There isn’t any in-between. First you must relocate your sexual energy in yourself, instead of giving it away to women. Then you need to learn the art of the chase – the specific role a man must take in the dance of male and female.
3. Meeting your partner on equal terms
Anyone can get a partner – the trick is keeping them. To do this you must learn how to meet your partner – and in fact all women – as a different but equal being. This means respecting but respecting yourself too. In order to have a successful marriage and one which lasts, you will sometimes need to be able to debate fiercely and to do so in a safe and focused way so that problems get solved. In a modern marriage, soft men get left and bullies drive self-respecting women away. Today’s man has to learn to communicate. A pretty radical idea!
4. Engaging actively with your kids
You can’t parent from behind a newspaper and you can’t leave it all to your partner either – because a woman doesn’t have all the ingredients needed. You will have to get the ‘tough-tender’ balance right with your children. This is especially important for your sons, who will need many hours a day of your care if they are to progress into adulthood. Daughters too depend on you for a large slice of their self-esteem.
5. Learning to have real men friends
You will have to get emotional support from other men and find out how to complete your own initiation into manhood. Also you must find some way to provide this for your teenage sons. All men need the help of other men to complete certain transitions, as well as just having a warm, relaxed life.
6. Finding your heart in your work
You must find work you can believe in, so that the time and energy of your working life is spent in a direction where your heart lies. It isn’t enough just to make a living. The real work of men is to support and protect\life and to build towards a better world. If you don’t believe in your own work then the inner contradictions of it may start to slowly kill you. This is a big one.
7. Freeing your wild heart
The god of men does not dwell in the suburbs or the office towers. Inner steadiness does not come from achievements or possessions. You will need to find a spiritual basis for your inner life that is specifically masculine and based in nature, which connects you to the earth you live on. As you grow older this will be your source of strength and harmony, freeing you from fear and dependency on others.
12:06 PM
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