Last rites.

I'm off to Thailand and will be back in two weeks so this is my last blog until then and I'm closing the chapter on the men thing.
I don't want to go back to the man "must assert his role of head of the household thing." Husband's love your wives and wives submit to your own husbands, are two sides of the one coin. It's a mutual thing. I defer to Priscilla in her areas of gifting and expertise and she to me. I decide the issues of world peace, the environment and poverty. While she decides the minor things like where we live, what we spend our money on and what I do for a living....
Seriously though, we men have got to take responsibility for our own lives. Start making good choices about our families, our jobs and the things that are affecting us. How many would choose a lower standard of living for a better quality of life?
Let's meet with other men and start talking about these things in a safe place. Let's make our churches a place where men can bring friends without being embarresed. Pray about it! I think its' a safe assumption that if we can't talk to God about it then we're not talking to anyone else.
Read Spephen Hill's comment and statement on manhood. It's very insightful. Talk soon.

Is Church "man" enough?

What about providing a context for men to talk? I know some guys who have been golf buddies for years but have never got beyond the cars, sport and work stage. I used to say to Priscilla that men had a deep need for superficiallity! But I think given the right context we could help each other.
We men need a safe place to meet with those we trust and where we can be vulnerable and open about issues like pressures at work, ethical demands, sexual temptation inc problems of lust and porno], expectations as a husband and father and so on. I think with men it has to involve activity and doing something together. My Linfield buddy and I discuss most things on the way to every match but stay silent on the way home to listen to scores and match commentary. I need different sort of friends in different settings. I am friends with some men with whom I wouldn't dream of openning up too. But with others who I don't see as often I can say anything about anything and not feel condemned.
Some men stay in contact through the internet, try www.geezersforjesus.co.uk where men who believe that "it's okay to be serious about your faith and still enjoy beer, football and curry" can talk anonymously about anything that matters to them.
It's good to talk.

Men behaving sadly.

Alarming rates of alcoholism, workaholism, hypertension, heart disease and divorce in the male population is a sign that something is terribly wrong. What is clear is that men are in a lot of pain. They are the walking wounded.
John Eldridge says that every man has a wounded soul, often to do with his own father and this causes him to live out of a false self. It can only be healed as a man becomes vulnerable enough to allow himself to be loved by God and begins to live again in dependancy upon God. For him the beginning of the spiritual life actually comes with the acceptance of a wounded self.
My own father left us when I was 16 and it took years before I could admit the pain. We had no contact for 18 years and only when I managed to get in touch. It was an issue of forgiveness on my part but at times the cure was worse than the disease! It was painful but when I finally admitted it [the pain] things began to improve. Is there little wonder that men are not making progress spiritually if they are alienated from church, confused about their identity, hiding behind macho behavoiur and carrying so much pain?
What can be done?

Men behaving sadly.

Alarming rates of alcoholism, workaholism, hypertension, heart disease and divorce in the male population is a sign that something is terribly wrong. What is clear is that men are in a lot of pain. They are the walking wounded.
John Eldridge says that every man has a wounded soul, often to do with his own father and this causes him to live out of a false self. It can only be healed as a man becomes vulnerable enough to allow himself to be loved by God and begins to live again in dependancy upon God. For him the beginning of the spiritual life actually comes with the acceptance of a wounded self.
My own father left us when I was 16 and it took years before I could admit the pain. We had no contact for 18 years and only when I managed to get in touch. It was an issue of forgiveness on my part but at times the cure was worse than the disease! It was painful but when I finally admitted it [the pain] things began to improve. Is there little wonder that men are not making progress spiritually if they are alienated from church, confused about their identity, hiding behind macho behavoiur and carrying so much pain?
What can be done?

Why men hate church cont.

Thanks for the feedback. Some good ideas about the length of meetings etc. But I want to continue to think about why men aren't as spiritual as women! It seems so anyway.
What about sin? Surely what holds men back is their pride. Masculine traits like the need to be in control, to be over competitive, to be self contained, to achieve and to perform can be strategies for living independently of God. What should a man look like? He should look like Jesus. Not the "nice Jesus" of children's books but the brave Jesus who challanged the hypocrites in His society. The Jesus who lived for God no matter what and laid down His life for others.
There is some gender confusion today. Jobs traditionally done by men have been openned up to women eg fire fighting, soldiering and for goodness sake Linfield even have a Ladies Football Team! As men have traditionally defined themselves through their jobs it's all a bit too much. Redidcovering masculinity needs to be resolved apart from what job you have or sports you play. [I mean this, I don't think it's proper for women to play football or rugby, it's horrible]
The question of identity is foundational to spiritual growth. More tomorrow.

VIVE LA DIFFERENCE

A man is a person who, if a woman says "never mind I'll do it myself," he lets her.
A woman is a person who, if she says to a man "never mind I'll do it myself," and he lets her, gets mad.
A man is a person who, if a woman says to him "never mind I'll do it myself," and he lets her and she gets mad, says "now what are you getting mad at?"
AND a woman is a person who, if she says to a man "never mind I'll do it myself," and he lets her and she gets mad and he says "now what are you getting mad at?" she says "if you don't know, then I'm not going to tell you!"
More on this later.

Ya Big Girl's Blouse.

John Eldridge in "Wild at heart," says that at a time of real gender confusion in both church and society, men need to rediscover their masculinity. Men need to get in touch with their God-given masculine desires; for a battle to fight, an adventure to live for and a beauty to win. The core of a man's heart is undomesticated and deep within the soul of every man is a deep spiritual longing for adventure that must find release.
Food for thought there. It's said that when a women looks into a mirror she sees a woman but when a man looks into a mirror he sees a person. What makes a man a man? What makes him distinctive? I get alarmed when we stereotype anyone group of people. I think there is a danger that in trying to define manhood we go back to all the old silly stereotypes. That is, that the ideal man is a cross between James Bond, George Clooney, Rambo and David Beckham with a bit of Jesus thrown in if you are a Christian. Now some of us just naturally fit this description but not all of you! There is also the difficulty that men get too much of their value and their identity form their jobs. So what is the foundation of manhood? More tomorrow!!

Church-a place for women of both sexes?

In his recent book, Why men hate going to church, published by Thomas Nelson, David Murrow suggests that church is a feminine environment where men are uncomfortable. Church, he argues, is designed to meet the needs of a female audience. Its langague [comforting rather than challanging], and activities [nurturing, caring and supporting rather than risk taking and adventurous] are more geared to women than men.
Worship is semtimentalised, Jesus is emasculated[a bearded lady] and service is mundane. Men's passivity in church springs not from laziness but from uneasiness. What is needed is a rediscovery of the masculine spirit and a greater recognition of the distinctive needs of men. Our worship is touchy feely and need centred, which excludes a lot of men. We sentimentalise the Cross when in fact it was brutal and shocking. Church is safe and nurturring rather than thrusting and provocative.
It raises the question, "what makes a man a man?" Is it his penis? Or is it something else?
Stay tuned and I will explore this tomorrow....girls!